


Vanilla Sex Sidequest

by AvecPlaisir



Series: Sidequests and other Adventures [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Human AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-04-20 01:57:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 3,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14250618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvecPlaisir/pseuds/AvecPlaisir
Summary: The group of friends deal with Pearl and Garnet's new relationship





	1. Chapter 1

**PART I.**   _the supporting cast_

,,,

 

“ _Oh come on!”_ Peridot shrieked, falling over backwards in the chair in her displeasure. She kept her phone aloft as she fell, protecting it from danger of being shattered, and resumed typing with irritated vigor (mumbling words like “imbeciles” and "half-wit pebbles" under her breath) the moment her ass hit the ground.

Amethyst and Lapis watched her from their seats with varying levels of amusement. Pearl watched also, but with a certain level of disdain.

“What’s up, Peri?” Amethyst asked.

“Nerd stuff,” Lapis supplied, impassively.

“ _Thank you,_  Lazuli," Peridot snapped, "for summing up what might be the most horrific comic to movie decision-making I’ve ever seen in my life. Here I was thinking an affront to common decency might be a more appropriate description—but no, I suppose ‘ _nerd stuff_ ’ will have to do!”

Lapis gave Amethyst a sideways look. “She’s been talking about this all morning.”

“Is this about that movie we’re going to see?” Amethyst asked. “I thought you didn’t even know that franchise.”

“That was primarily the reason we picked it,” Pearl added pointedly.

“She’s been researching,” Lapis said, displeased.

“They changed the  _costumes_ , Amethyst!” Peridot cried, rising to her feet. “The costumes! To showcase boobs!”

“Boobs are pretty cool,” Amethyst said, glancing at Pearl.

“This isn’t about whether or not boobs are cool!” Peridot exclaimed. “This is about artistic integrity being cheapened by pandering and lazy writing!”

“And sexism,” Lapis added, with a raise of her glass.

“Yes!” Peridot pointed at her roommate emphatically. “Thank you, Lazuli.”

“Well—we can just see another movie,” Amethyst shrugged.

“No!” Peridot snapped. “I  _have_  to see this now.”

Pearl raised an eyebrow. “But aren’t you just supporting the lazy pandering writers, indirectly encouraging them to make more of the same?”

Peridot huffed. “What—our collective patronage will affect the future of movies being made? Don’t make me  _laugh_ , lesbian.”

“It’s called a boycott,” Pearl said snuffily. “And utilized properly it can indeed be an effective political strategy."

Amethyst said, "Like that one play Pearl showed us. Leesa-sisa."

"Lysistrata."

"They boycotted dicks."

Pearl sighed.

“But I want to see it,” Peridot whined.

“Look, there’s a simple solution here” Amethyst said. “We’ll pick a different movie to see today, and me and you can watch a pirated copy off the interwebs later, Peri. We’re not supporting the sexist boob crap, but you still get to see the boobs.”

Peridot thought this over.

“That does seems an ideal solution,” she said. "Of course, the rest of you losers are welcome to watch as well. Pearl, Lazuli.”

“I’m good,” Lapis said. “I’ve got plans.” She paused. “I’m going to take a really long shit.”

“I’ll also pass,” Pearl said delicately.

“Suit yourself,” Peridot sniffed, turning back to her phone. “Now I’ll just have to ask Garnet and Jasper…speaking of which, shouldn’t they be here by now?”

 "Yes," came Garnet's voice, from behind. "Sorry I'm late."


	2. Chapter 2

**PART II**   _opportunity_

_,,,_

 

 Garnet's arrival, though late, was well-regarded by the party of friends. They brushed off her apology.

“No biggie,” Amethyst said.

But they were confused by Jasper's absence.

“Is Jasper parking?” Pearl asked.

“I’m not sure what she’s doing,” Garnet said, mildly. “We’re not together.”

“What a waste,” muttered Peridot, who had resumed typing on her phone. “Carpooling whenever possible not only increases efficacy but reduces carbon dioxide emissions. Whatever  _engagements_  the two of you had that prevented you from riding together, I’m sure you could have worked them out.”

“Jasper broke up with me,” Garnet said.

Peridot whipped her head up.

“Woah?” Lapis sat up. ”Really?”

“No way,” Amethyst said.

Garnet stole the cherry in her drink and her seat. Amethyst scootched over, making room.

“Way,” Garnet said, tongue curling around the cherry.

“That is….unexpected,” Peridot said, frowning. 

“Understatement,” Lapis said.

Pearl watched silently.

“Does this mean we can’t be friends with Jasper anymore?” Peridot asked, frowning.

“No, nothing like that,” Garnet chuckled.

“But if she broke your heart,” Peridot started, dubious.

“I’m fine Peridot,” Garnet said. “It was a good break-up. Well, as good as they can be. And you’re Jasper’s friends too.”

“Barely,” said Peridot.

“I don’t want that to change on my account.”

“Wow,” Peridot said. “When Lazuli broke up wither her, she tried to ruin all of Jaspers friendships. Do you remember? She even had those anti-Jasper buttons made.”

“Let’s not talk about the past,” Lapis said, inspecting her nails.

“I still have mine,” Amethyst grinned. “I wear it sometimes to piss her off.”

“Well," Lapis said suddenly, standing, "if Jasper is going to take for-fucking-ever to show up, I’m going to this movie drunk. Who’s with me?”

“Me,” Amethyst said. “Get me another one of these, whatever the fuck this was. And make sure they put a cherry in it because Garnet ate mine.”

“Another of whatever-the-fuck-that-was with a cherry coming right up,” Lapis said. “Anyone else? No? See ya.”


	3. Chapter 3

  **PART III** _crush, crush, rebound_

,,,

"I’m sorry about Jasper,” Pearl said slowly, searching Garnet's face.

Garnet shrugged a shoulder. They were standing on the far side of the lounge, having taken a meandering walk along the room. “I saw it coming.”

“Oh? Did you? Did that make it easier?"

“In some ways,” Garnet said. “I’ll have to move back into my parents' for awhile." She blushed delicately. "It’s… kind of embarrassing.”

Pearl bit back a smile. She doubted it would be as embarrassing as Garnet said. Garnet was very close to her parents, and although she’d already moved out on several occasions she inevitably always ended up moving back in with them for some reason or another. Bad roommates or unbearable landlords, rent hikes, and now a break up. It was something of a joke among their friend group, though Garnet had once divulged to Pearl and Amethyst in private that she got anxious when she went too long without seeing her mothers. Pearl, whose own relationship with her parents was strained at best, supposed this was one of the ironic perils of being raised in a loving home. It was hard to leave.

"I'm sure they'll be happy to see you," Pearl said, absently.

She had the most peculiar expression on her face, like someone intently watching a TV show.

Garnet nodded to the door. “Walk with me.”

Pearl smiled.

Outside there was a short brick wall the jutted out perpendicular to the bar’s front. They perched on it, avoiding the patches of snow that had failed to melt during the day. Garnet squinted at the sun.

“I’m going to say something really stupid,” Pearl said quietly.

“I doubt that,” Garnet murmured.

“I want to take you out,” Pearl said.

There was a silence. Garnet scuffed her shoe on the ground.

“We’ve never really done that,” she said.

It was true. They’d known each other almost 20 years. They were getting old. Pearl waited. Garnet looked at her sideways.

“Sure.”

Pearl’s eyes widened. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Why?” Pearl blurted the question.

Garnet pushed herself off the wall. “I like trying new things.”

Pearl flushed dark. That wasn’t the most gratifying response.


	4. Chapter 4

**PART IV** _surprise isn’t the right word_

_,,,_

 

“Lapis, this is a beer.”

“But here’s your cherry,” Lapis said, sliding her an empty glass with a single maraschino cherry inside.

Amethyst shrugged. She grabbed the cherry and forced it down the opening of the beer bottle.

Lapis squinted. “You know, I got you the glass so you could pour the beer—.”

“It’s too late now,” Amethyst interrupted her. She tilted the bottle upside down, but only trickles dribbled out thanks to the cherry blocking the way. “You know, Lapis, you could’ve—“

“Shhhhh-shut up a second—“ Lapis shushed her, staring at something in the distance.

Frowning, Amethyst turned to watch what Lapis was looking at.

“No way,” she breathed.

Pearl and Garnet were making their way back, Garnet’s hands stuffed in the pockets of her bomber, Pearl’s hands clasped in front of her, looking prim. But something about them gave it away.

“Holy fuck!”  Lapis exclaimed, sitting up straighter. “That was fast.”

“What was—?” Peridot asked, looking up from her phone.

“Yeah Lapis, what—?”

“You two make a cute couple,” Lapis crooned, suspiciously sweet.

Garnet didn’t react but Pearl jumped.

“What? What made you—why would you—how did you—?”

“Oh my Jesus,” Peridot said. “It’s true?”

“Nothing’s true,” Pearl said, cheeks pink.

“Please, lesbian, your defensive posture says it all.”

There was a pause.

“It’s _one_ date,” Pearl said emphatically.

But for all their friends heard, they might as well have announced their wedding.

 “Way to go brosky,” Amethyst said to Pearl, impressed. “Way to lap up the desperate and recently dumped.”

“Yes,” sniffed Peridot. “Congratulations _are_ in order. Although I question your timing, I am glad to see you that you two finally dealt with your unresolved sexual tension. Quite frankly, it was disturbing.”

“Thanks, Peridot,” Garnet said. "That means a lot."

"Alright, alright, I'm here," came Japser's voice. 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**PART V** _hurt is the right word_

_,,,_

The party of friends turned to see Jasper, dressed in hightops and jeans and a white t-shirt notted up at her waist, standing at the edge of their circle having just arrived. Her hair was in a high pony-tale and her eyes, as always, were framed by impeccable wing tips.

“Jasper,” Lapis greeted her sweetly.

“I know I’m late,” Japser muttered, squinting those beautifully decorated eyes.

"No, you're just in time."

Japser eyed Lapis suspiciously.

“What the hell are you so happy about?” she demanded, voice rough.

“We were just congratulating our dear friends Pearl and Garnet,” Lapis said, gesturing to where Pearl and Garnet stood. Pearl looked harassed.

“Pearl and—What?” Jasper growled, eyes finding the subject. Something about the way they were standing and Lapis’ tone gave it away. Jasper looked at Garnet incredulously. “What the hell? You’re—together?"

 _"Finally,"_ said Peridot.

"It hasn’t even been a day!” Jasper protested, eyes on Garnet.

There was a pause in which Pearl and Garnet exchanged a glance. Then Garnet smirked.

“’I’m allowed to get over you whenever I want,” she said.

 _“OOOooohhhh,”_ came a chorus from Amethyst and Lapis.

Jasper narrowed her eyes.

“If you’re trying to make me jealous, it won’t work.”

“Well, I’m not, so,” Garnet said, “great.”

" _Oooooohhhhh_ ," repeated Amethyst and Lapis.

"Stop cheering for her," Jasper growled. "Those aren't even good come-backs." 

“Good enough for me,” Peridot shrugged.

“What—what a load of _bull_ ,” Jasper growled before stomping off.

The group of friends exchanged a glance.

“Someone should probably go talk to her,” Amethyst said.

“I’m not doing it,” Garnet said flatly.

Peridot jumped up. “ _I’ll_ do it.”

“I’ll help,” Amethyst said quickly.

“I gotta see this,” Lapis said with a grin.

Outside, they found Jasper perched on exactly the same wall that Pearl and Garnet had been minutes before.

 “What the fuck,” Jasper grumbled.

“Don’t tell me you didn't see this coming,” Peridot said with an air of being unimpressed. “They hang out  _all of the time._ It’s disgustingly sweet.”

Jasper grimaced.

“Aw, don’t blame Jasp,” Amethyst said. “I, personally, never thought this day would come.”

"We _just_ broke up," Jasper said. “How could she have moved on already?”

“I thought _you_ broke up with _her_ ,” Lapis said.

Jasper hunched her shoulders. “So?”

“Garnet’s a catch, dude,” Amethyst shrugged. “You don’t want her anymore, fine. But someone else most definitely will.”

"And _none_ of you think this is weird?”

“Nope,” said Peridot.

“Nah,” said Lapis.

"Weird that you dumped her?" Amethyst asked, “Yeah. I, personally, think that anyone who dumps Garnet is out of their mind. But weird that Garnet's already moved on? Nah dude! That makes the absolute most sense. And besides—it’s  _Pearl_. You know how they are—they’ve known each other forever. It was bound to happen sometime."

“I hear that,” said Peridot as Lapis nodded.

Jasper frowned.

“What,” Japser demanded, “you were all waiting for us to break up and for her to get together with Pearl?”

“No,” Amethyst shrugged. “But, like. Now that it has.”

“Makes sense,” Lapis finished.


	6. Chapter 6

PART VI,   _pick a movie, any movie_

_,,,_

“Since we are no longer seeing _The Magnetic Forces_ ,” Peridot said to the group of her friends huddled under the awning of the movie theatre, “we must choose another movie. Considering start times, our most promising titles are _Swords of Destruction III, Night in Eolon,_ and _Vampire Boyfriend II_. Of course, we’ll have more expansive selection if we’re willing to wait for more than half an hour—”

“No,” said Garnet.

“Dude,” said Amethyst. “It’s raining.”

“Alright,” Peridot said. “So what should we—.”

“ _Vampire Boyfriend_ ,” Lapis said.

“I’m down,” Amethyst said.

“Anyone else?” Peridot asked.

There was a slight pause.

“I kinda want to see that too,” Jasper admitted.


	7. Chapter 7

PART VII _in the theatre_

,,,

A third way to through the movie, Lapis leaned over the armrest and asked, low in Amethyst’s ear,

“How is this going to work?”

“Huh?” Amethyst asked, distracted from the admittedly grisly scene playing out. Some poor on-screen janitor had just had his intestines ripped out, though they looked more like linked sausage.

But now the dying janitor faded from view as the movie switched settings, to the dimly lit room of the protagonist.

Lapis said, “I’m pretty sure Pearl hasn’t had sex with the lights on.”

Amethyst followed her gaze to see Pearl, at Garnet’s side, blushing prettily as Garnet whispered something in her ear. In front of them, the horribly vague bedroom scene.

“If somethings breaks them up,” Lapis said, “it’ll be the sex. I bet you anything.”

“Yo, brosky, why are you so invested?” Amethyst asked, prickly. Lapis’s comments rubbed her the wrong way, though she couldn’t for the life of her have said why.

“Them being together gets on Jasper’s nerves,” Lapis shrugged.

“You really need to get over her,” Amethyst grumbled.

Lapis ignored her.


	8. Chapter 8

PART VIII, _fed up_

,,,

On the other side of Garnet and Pearl, Jasper got up suddenly, muttering, “I need some air.”

Lapis waited exactly 2 seconds before following her


	9. Chapter 9

PART IX, _insecurity_

,,,

“You weren’t expecting her to _mope_ over you, were you?” Lapis asked, unimpressed.

“Leave me alone,” Jasper growled.

“C’mon Jasp, I want to know. You’re obviously upset.”

Jasper stuffed her hands in her pockets.

“I didn’t expect her to _mope_ ,” she muttered. “I knew she would move on, I _want_ that. But….”

Lapis might have made a snide comment if Jasper hadn’t looked so genuinely bothered.

“I just didn’t think it would be so fast,” Jasper continued, brows furrowed, “It…kind of makes me feel like she didn’t care.”

Lapis sighed. Leave it to her, to have genuinely struck a chord with Jasper’s emotions.

“Come on Japser,” Lapis tried, half-heartedly. “You know that’s not how it is.”

Jasper frowned. Lapis sighed again.

“Look,” she said frankly. “I really doubt that Garnet didn’t care about you. Garnet doesn’t strike me as that kind of person. But, you should talk to Amethyst. She knows Garnet best out of all of us, besides Pearl. She’d be able to tell you one way or another.”

“Yeah,” Jasper said nodding. “Hey,” she waited for Lapis to look at her, “thanks.”

“Yeah, well,” Lapis scuffed her shoe on the ground. “I hate it when you’re miserable and I had nothing to do with it.”


	10. Chapter 10

PART X, _conversation with Amethyst_

,,,

“The thing about Garnet,” Amethyst said, once Jasper had confessed her worry in the lobby after the movie was over, “is that she’s super chill and humble and whatev, but she’s also extremely confident and she likes having a good time. That’s just how she is. Things like break ups don’t really get to her.”

“I know,” Jasper said.

“That doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about you.”

“I know,” Jasper repeated, shrugging her shoulder. “I just—you’re sure?”

“I am one hundred percent sure that Garnet loved you,” said Amethyst.

Jasper relaxed.

“Alright,” she said.

At that moment Garnet walked up, Pearl at her side.

“Ready?” Jasper asked.

“In a sec,” Garnet replied.

“Where are you going?” Pearl wanted to know.

“Need to finish moving out,” Garnet said.

“I told her she could take her time,” Jasper said. “Not like I’m not used to seeing her junk everywhere.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow?” Garnet said to Pearl.

“Yes,” Pearl said, “please do.”


	11. Chapter 11

Part XI, _Amethyst_

“So you and G, huh?” Amethyst said. “That should be interesting.”

Pearl looked at Amethyst out of the corner of her eye.

“Yes, I suppose,” Pearl said softly.

“Gotta admit,” Amethyst said. “Always thought I’d bag her before you did.”


	12. Chapter 12

PART XII,  _date_

When Garnet arrived at Pearl’s house for their date, she rang the doorbell. Then she rang it again. After a few minutes passed, she frowned, and tried the door. It opened.

Inside the stove was beeping, but Pearl was nowhere to be seen. Garnet walked over to it, seeing that the timer had gone off. She grabbed a potholder from Pearl’s counter, opened the oven, and pulled out what looked like lasagna. After turning off the oven she put her hand on her hips and looked around. Now to find Pearl.

Pearl’s house was one story and not very large. The hallway from the kitchen led past the bathroom to the bedroom. Garnet headed there, but paused, as the bathroom door was cracked open, and light was pouring out.

Garnet pushed it open.

In the tub full of water lay Pearl, head back, motionless and nude. Garnet’s heart sped up and she stepped forward to examine more closely, and relief flooded over her as she saw Pearl was breathing. She shouldn’t have thought…but then Pearl had a way of making her worry sometimes.

She sat on the lip of the tub and looked down at Pearl’s sleeping face. She looked almost peaceful, which she rarely did awake. Garnet reached down her hand and shook Pearl’s shoulder gently. Then more firmly, when Pearl failed to wake.

“Hmm?” Pearl murmured, opening her eyes. “Garnet!”

“Calm down,” Garnet sad, as Pearl had sat up rather violently and splashed a lot of water.

“I—I must have fallen asleep,” Pearl said, amazed.

“Seems like it.”

“I’m so sorry, Garnet,” Pearl said. “I’ll get dressed—I—just give me a minute.”

She began to rise.

“Hold on,” Garnet said, catching her wrist.

Pearl paused, standing in a half crouch.

“There’s no rush,” Garnet said.

“I guess not,” Pearl said hesitantly.

Garnet turned her wrist over. On Pearl’s forearm, fresh cuts, pink from the water. So she’d been right to worry after all.

 “How embarrassing,” Pearl said. “You weren’t supposed to see that.”

“You thought I wouldn’t notice?” Garnet asked calmly.

“I didn’t think we’d move this fast,” Pearl said dryly.

Garnet’s mouth pulled at the corner up at the joke. She released Pearl’s wrist.

“Next time don’t fall asleep.”

Pearl stood up in the tub, water streaming down her body. She looked down at Garnet, Garnet’s nose lined up with her lower belly. “Does this change anything?”

“What would it change?”

“I don’t know,” Pearl said. “I thought maybe it would activate your need to be the Leader.”

“Excuse me?”

“To protect me,” Pearl continued. “That you’d say something like ‘ _This isn’t good for you’_ ,” and Pearl’s voice went deeper as she imitated Garnet. It was a poor imitation. “And then you’d give me a succinct speech about how I needed to value myself, and declare that I wasn’t ready for a relationship. Even after all this time. ”

“You’re not,” Garnet said. Then she said, “But I’m not your mother.”

 


	13. Chapter 13

PART XIII, _not quite heartbreak_

“I really am embarrassed,” Pearl said. They were in Pearl’s kitchen.  Pearl had thrown on an oversized t-shirt an old pair of boxers. In front of her was a roll of gauze and disinfectant spray. Meticulous as ever, she wrapped the gauze around her forearm with precision. “I can’t believe I did that. It’s so—juvenile.”

“You’ve been drinking.”

“Heavily.”

“I didn’t know you kept alcohol in the house.”

“I don’t. I went and bought some. This morning. I couldn’t sleep.” Pearl rubbed her forehead, then sighed. “This is ridiculous. It’s been sixteen years. Sixteen years and I still can’t—” She cut herself off, hands curling into fists. “I should be over this by now.”

Garnet leaned against Pearl’s counter.

“The love you and Rose had was special,” Garnet said, in an even tone.

“It’s not like I haven’t,” Pearl started to say, “I mean, I haven’t, but—it’s always been—never—”

“This is new,” Garnet said, understanding what Pearl was getting at in spite of Pearl’s incoherence.

“I’ve fucked other people,” Pearl said.

“But not me.” Garnet tilted her head. “That’s a little cocky.”

“Well, it’s a possibility,” Pearl said, color rising in her cheeks. Then she said, in a more hesitant tone, “Right?”

Garnet pushed herself away from Pearl’s counter and crossed the room.

“Garnet?” Pearl stared after her. “I’m making an ass of myself, aren’t I? Oh, this is terrible. I should have never asked you out. All of this worry,” and Pearl’s hands were curled at her belly, “and sticking my foot in my mouth—it would have been better if I had just—never said anything. And then you had to see me like this!” She thrust out her arm. “Like I’m some moody teenager! This isn’t right—none of it’s right—!”

“Pearl,” Garnet said, alarmed, “calm down. It’s just me.”

“I know!” Pearl said. “That’s the problem!”

There was a silence.

“I’m the problem,” Garnet repeated.

“No—I didn’t,” Pearl waved her hands, “that’s not what I meant.”

“Then explain.”

“It’s just— _you_ , Garnet. And I’m just me. And it doesn’t work. And I was stupid to think that it could.” Pearl’s hands folded together. “I don’t think we should do this.”

“Then we won’t,” Garnet said.


End file.
